i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
