I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
