oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
