I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
