It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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