see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
