My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
