her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
