Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
