did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he puts the penis in happiness.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
