What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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