So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
