My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
