Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This house was built for laser tag.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
