I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
