Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
