i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
