I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
