I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
