Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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