Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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