thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
