If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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