I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
