You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
