I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
