"it" just moved
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
