Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
