Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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