Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
