You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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