please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize