I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize