When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize