I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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