im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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