I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
