Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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