you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
