I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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