i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
