just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
