we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
