this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
