Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize