were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
