he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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