Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize