i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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