the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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