we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
