I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
