I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
third nipple confirmed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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