Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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