the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!