Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail