In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
