I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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