I wish my penis had an off switch
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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