Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
