Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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